Super Bore
A patriotic American, I watched the self-congratulatory iconization of sport become national holiday that is the Super Bowl. As in most years the game blew. The refs sucked and would be burnt in effigy in Seattle, 'cept you know, all that rain. And coffee. And grunge. And Bill Gates. That's one set of stereotypes out of the way, so now on to expert analysis. Seattle dominates first half. Their punter is unable to keep the ball from going into the endzone. Stevens talked shit and backed it up by dropping the ball 5 times. (He did catch a TD while wide open) Porter talked shit and backed it up by doing next to nothing all game. Rothlisberger did not score. Andy Reid obviously learned clock management from Mike Holgram. Half time 7-3 Steelers. Rolling Stones suck. All commercials suck cept the one in the hospital. Anheiser Busch's ad agency is stealing money. Diet Pepsi song commercial sounds like something P. Diddy actually produced. 2nd half: Pittsburgh gets a big run to take a 14-3 lead. Everyone in Pittsburgh waves a terrible towel, drinks an Iron City Beer, goes to Eat & Park to get perogis, then plays a polka. Pittsburgh threatens again but Big Ben pulls a McNabb and throws a big time INT. Seattle scores. Pittsburgh scores on some trickery. Seattle comes up small. First an Eagles-like failure to make a defensive stand when everyone knows the Steelers are going to run the ball (twice) and then more Reidesque clock manangement to end the game. Cower has a wet shirt and stupid moustache. Holgram just has a stupid moustache. Read what this hack has to say: Even cornier shit than what I just wrote.
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